Often I wonder, how did our mothers do it? My mother raised 4 children while working and somehow was able to corral us almost every evening to share a home cooked meal. Today it seems to take a monumental effort just to get my family unit under the same roof at dinnertime. Each week I try to find a quiet moment to review the kids sports, my husbands shifts and my own evening commitments. If the scheduling works out, then there is the grocery shopping, meal preparation, table parenting (ie: keeping the siblings from picking at each other) and clean-up. All this after a long days work? It’s no wonder the family dinner is on the decline. A study published in the 2006 Journal of Adolescent Health surveyed over 99,000 grade 6-12 students on the number of times per week they ate a family dinner together. Less than half of the students were eating 5 meals/week together with their parents. In families with only one parent, less than 30% reported eating 5 meals per week with a parent. Is this just a sign of the times? Is it really worth all the effort to eat at the same table? There is certainly evidence to suggest the family meal is worth fighting for. A study published in 2010 by the Centre of Addiction at Columbia University showed that teens who ate dinner with their parents less than 3 times per week were more than twice as likely to use tobacco and alcohol and were more than twice as likely to have mostly C’s or lower on their report cards. Teens who had dinner 5-7 times per week with their parents were more than 3 times as likely to rate their relationship with their parents as excellent. It seems clear, family meals = better connection = less substance abuse and better grades. If that is not enough, a 2001 study linked family higher meal frequency with less bulimic episodes in young women.
You may not need any hard evidence to know instinctively, eating together feels right. It’s an ideal time to reflect on the day, share ideas and strengthen family ties. It may take extra patience at times. Lets face it, families can argue and get on each other’s nerves. But that’s all part of the package! We take the challenging times with the magical moments. Especially during holiday time, breaking bread together is a symbolic part of finding common ground and celebrating our connection.
If you are considering taking on the challenge to integrate more of this sacred family time, the first step is probably adding it to your agenda as an important part of the week. I worked with one inspiring family who had three kids in competitive sports. The family meal happened almost every night regardless of time. This devoted family had balanced snacks planned pre and post events to fuel their bodies until they could all unite, even if it meant dinner was at 3:30pm or 10:00 at night. Of course you may not want to be eating late every night. However, in light of the importance of eating together, if the snacks are balanced and the meals small, any time can work for dinner. Also remember breakfast and lunch on weekends are possible times to plan a meal together. In your own family situation, eating together 7 times per week may not be realistic. Rest assured that the research is showing even three times per week will help keep your family connected. It’s worth setting an intention and making it a priority. You might get some push-back, especially from teenagers, but with a little perseverance and creativity it can become your family routine. Put the devices away, turn off the tv and light a candle. The family meal is sacred time in today’s busy world.