Shocking Statistics: Pressure to be thin starts very young

- 34% of five-year-old girls engage in deliberate dietary restraint at least sometimes. (I had to pause and really take that in… a 5 year old little girl…dieting).

- 40% of girls between five and nine years old, say they wish they were thinner

- 30% of girls in third grade report they are “always” afraid of becoming fat.

These research findings are quoted in the book “Beauty Sick” by psychologist Renee Englen who explores how the cultural obsession with appearance hurts girls and women. I also extend my concern to young men and people of all gender identities. I am well aware of the impact of our beauty obsession on teens and adults but I am shocked at how early it begins. At 5 years of age, I was a shy little girl starting kindergarten with long straggly hair and a round belly often peeking out below my t-shirt.

I don’t remember being concerned by my body shape at that time. In fact, I loved using my body to run and jump and climb. I was definitely a ‘tom boy’ who preferred digging in the dirt over playing with dolls or having my hair brushed. That was in the 1970’s (as you might have guessed from my plaid polyester pants in the photo shown here).

Despite my freedom as a preschooler, I eventually succumbed to the pressures of thinness and began to struggle with body image and restrictive eating in my early teen years. I was thin by health standards but still I found myself drawn to controlling calories and counting grams of fat. Unfortunately, this was all too common in the 80’s and 90’s when the low-fat craze took the main stage in diet culture.

Luckily I had an interest in sports that helped me focus on what my body could do rather than just how it looked. I also discovered sport nutrition which helped me understand the need to fuel my body and help override the diet industry pressure to limit my food.

However, in my practice today I’m seeing a growing number of young athletes (and adults) who despite an interest in physical performance, struggle with the unrelenting pressure of physical appearance. I believe the pressures of the past are now compounded exponentially by social media. Thousands of unrealistic images and messages are passing in front of our eyes and our children’s eyes every day. Disordered eating and body dysmorphia are on the rise.

One 2023 study published in the Journal of Body Image investigated the impact of watching 7 minutes of tik tok beauty videos. They took 115 women between the ages of 17 and 25 and divided them into 3 groups. One group watched beauty videos, while the others watched self-compassion or travel videos. After just 7 minutes, appearance shame and appearance anxiety increased for those watching the beauty videos. On a more hopeful note, the group who watched the compassionate videos that included messages such as “Accept yourself for who you are”, reported an increase in self-compassion. A small beacon of hope in an ocean of appearance pressure.

I want to send a message to everyone out there who is struggling with body image or has a child who is struggling with body image… It is not your fault! We were not born with body shame. This has been learned from a very young age. We are all impacted by the collective preoccupation with appearance whether we realize or not. So, what can we do about it?

How can we find balance and body acceptance in a culture that values appearance above all else? It’s not an easy answer, however I do believe there is hope. One of my colleagues in the area of mental health and Self-Led Eating, Dr. Kim Daniels, recently recorded a Podcast on this topic entitled “Let’s Talk About Accepting Your Body”. She describes how body acceptance does not mean ‘giving up’. It’s more about noticing the deeply rooted societal biases we have all been exposed to from a very young age. Perhaps we can view our bodies using a wider, more inclusive lens that can appreciate and accept our unique genetic differences for shape and size.

In my private practice, I see the clients who build a foundation of acceptance and mindfulness, are able to engage in eating and movement strategies that are more about feeling good rather than the exhausting pursuit of looking good. It’s a game changer for finding peace with food.

Dr. Daniels reviews the work of Renee Engeln and others, ending with a list of suggestions on how to break free from the Beauty Game. You’ll find links below to a Renee’s Ted Talks and the Kim’s Podcast. It’s well worth tuning in for the full story. I’ve made my own list below of a few things that stood out for me after listening to these resources. I’d love to hear what stands out for you. I invite you to share in the comment section below. I believe, the more we can create dialogue about this issue, the more we can support change in the future.

1. Beauty in balance. There’s nothing wrong with beauty and the appreciation of beauty. Humans have a primal preference toward balance and symmetry whether it is in the colours of a painting or the patterns of a flower or the features of a person. Strong, fit bodies are also often symbols of vitality and health. The appreciation of beauty is a powerful strength. The problem arises when we become obsessed with the narrow spectrum of unrealistic ideals portrayed in the media and the belief that how we look is all that matters. Can we expand our definition of beauty? Can we challenge ourselves to look around our communities to notice the diversity that we don’t see in the media? Can we also notice that beauty is present in a wide variety of body shapes and sizes?

2. Focus on what our bodies can do. Breaking free from the obsession with appearance can start with a new awareness of our miraculous body and all that it can do, separate from just how it ‘looks’. This might include a focus on building strength, playing sports, gardening, hiking, knitting, sewing, crafting, building, lifting, dancing or even just the miracle of the thousands of biological processes the body completes to give us the gift of life every day.

3. Expand our range of compliments. This applies for all genders, however young girls are most often praised for being “pretty” while young boys are often praised for being strong or tough (which has implications of its own!). Can we be aware of the compliments we give each other? Could we balance the comments about how we look with highlighting other attributes such as physical abilities, creativity, work ethic, bravery, kindness, honesty or other character strengths. Can we also be conscious of the comments we make about our own bodies in front of our children? Can we model more body positivity?

4. Use the media in a helpful way. Who do you follow on social media? Do the messages and images make you feel better or worse about yourself? It might be worth changing your daily diet of media or limiting the time you spend scrolling or consuming. Just like you may seek out nutritious food sources that make you feel good, what if you can seek out media, speakers and authors who nourish your mind and reflect a more balanced approach toward beauty?

5. Compassionate Self-Reflection: When do you remember first noticing a dissatisfaction with your body? Where did you get the message that your body needed to be different? What parts of you still hold on to that message? How does it impact your thoughts and your inner dialogue today? How does it impact the way you care for your body? These sorts of reflections can be done by journaling, meditating, talking with trusted people in your life or working with a health professional who focuses on the connection between mind, emotion and body. The answers may not come right away, but with patience and curiosity, new insights may help to shift unhealthy patterns.

Programs and Retreats: Click HERE to explore our upcoming retreats to practice Compassionate Self-Reflection

Resources:

Dr. Kim Daniels Podcast, Episode 90. Let’s Talk about Accepting Your Body

Renee Engeln,PhD. Tedx Talk UConn 2013. An epidemic of beauty sickness

Renee Engeln,PhD. Tedx Talk NorthWestern 2024. The Beauty Game

Beauty Sick: How the cultural Obsession with Appearance Hurts Girls and Women. Book

Personal Consultations:

If you would like to explore and deepen your relationship with food, thoughts, emotions and your body, you can read more about Intuitive Eating and Mindfulness on the personal consultation section of my website.

One final thought: I’ve heard the diet industry described as “The water we all swim in”. And working with a practitioner who focuses on body acceptance feels like: “For 1 hour a week, I get to climb out of the ocean of negative body image messages and dry off, before having to dive back in at the end of the session”.

To use the analogy of the ocean and quote one of my mindfulness mentors Jon Kabat-Zinn “You can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf”